So, I was sitting here hating Matt for being a dirtbag alcoholic and the hell he put us through, and these words popped into my head.
"Functioning Alcoholic"
Not sure where I heard those words the first time. Maybe I read them somewhere. But I think it may have been in reference to my grandpa. Or my uncle. Or maybe my mom. I come from a family that liked to drink. :-).
When I was a child, I never really noticed all the drinking. It was just something people did. I don't remember, as a child anyway, anything bad that I directly related to drinking. I remember my grandpa always smelled a certain way, and as an adult, when I smell someone that's been drinking, that's who I still think of. And I loved my grandpa. I never saw him be mean to me or anyone. And he loved me. I remember him as a hard worker. A family man. Went to work everyday until he was too old. Same with my uncle and my mom. Paid the bills. Didn't live in an alley or drink from a bottle in a paper bag. So growing up, I didn't see drinking as a bad thing. Actually, I really didn't know anything different. It was normal.
My first memory of alcohol being bad was a time my grandma was talking to my grandpa on the phone. I was about 11. My grandparents had been separated for a while and didn't live together anymore but never got a divorce. And I do mean never. It was a catholic guilt thing I'm sure but I like to believe it was because they still loved each other deep down. Well, anyway, my gma was on the phone with my gpa, don't remember what they were talking about. Wasn't really paying attention. Until I heard my gma get pissed and start yelling at my gpa. The only part I can clearly remember, and I have never forgotten is her yelling at him that he "drank away the bar and the house" and they "didn't have a pot to piss in" . And she was really mad! The kind of mad where you start to cry because you can't hit anything. I never saw her like that before. I remember thinking, "what?" No way. He "drank away" their house? They used to own a bar too. That's why they lost it was because my grandpa drank too much? I couldn't imagine.
Of course, in the years that followed all the way to today, I've seen many, MANY things that have formed my opinion on drunks. My mother was the biggest. My mom was a heroin addict when I was little. Then my dad died and she went on a spree of everything. Blew through all his life insurance. Took off and my aunt Marcy had to take legal custody of me because she couldn't take care of me. I remember it being a pretty bad time for her.
Then, when all the money was gone, she joined the marine corp. And never touched drugs again. As far as drugs went after she enlisted, my mama was a girl scout! Didn't even smoke weed. Didn't POP any legal or illegal pharmaceuticals. NADA. She still drank beer, but who didn't? After I went back with my mom, when she got her shit together, I started to see what an alcoholic was. She drank everyday. After work of course. And drank a LOT on the weekends. And she wasn't the nicest person when she drank. I mean, she could be nice. Sometimes silly. Dorky. Funny. But she was only really awful when she drank. Verbally and physically abusive. And I grew to hate that person. Even when she was being nice and acting silly, I was just disgusted. In my early teens I also saw my grandpa was a drunk. And my uncle. And quite a few other people either in or close to my family. And I hated it. Not to say I never drank. Of course I did. It was what I knew. But it never really was my cup of tea.
When I thought of an "alcoholic", I guess I always pictured more the image the media portrays them as. A bum. Staggering. Hiccuping. Lol. But I learned that's not the case. They work full time jobs, have homes sometimes, cars, families. So if they can manage all that what's the problem? Isn't it better to be a "functioning" alcoholic than a staggering bum?
In my opinion, the answer is no. It's not better.
No matter what type of alcoholic it is, the family suffers.
WE have to watch the shit. WE have to go through the drunk behavior that they get to forget. WE get to watch them die. And if you drink a lot but don't think it makes you an asshole to people.
Think again.
It's embarrassing to your kids. Uncomfortable for acquaintances, and more often than not, abusive. I'm not anti booze or anything, I'm just anti alcoholic.
Unless you live totally alone in a cave with no family or friends, and have no contact with other humans, IT HURTS OTHER PEOPLE!!!!
And even if you are a "fun drunk" and the life of the party, trust me, you're an asshole.
I watched my grandpas "functional alcholism", make my grandma cry, and change him, my moms impressively successful alcoholism made her mean, and helped take her from us. Matts has hurt me and my children in ways I can't even explain, and virtually murdered any good that was in him.
It's just not ok.
